Well, so much for committing to blog more regularly. Of all the things to happen, the hinge on my laptop is broken and I had to take it in to get repaired. It’s going to be a week or so before I get it back. In the meantime, I found another computer to log into and will try to keep up as life continues to throw curve balls at me, just like anyone else.

I attended the first class of my HR certification course. I forgot what it was like to read and study. It makes me feel young again. I have all of this experience to apply it to so I I’m retaining more than I would have if I took the course sooner than now.

No job prospects this week. I’ve applied to some and no response…

I reached out to a past manager of mine to see if he wants to have lunch – not to beg for my old job back, but to catch up and see if there are any possible opportunities that he might be able to influence. I left on good terms (this wasn’t the company where I was laid off from). Other than him being disappointed that I chose to leave, I don’t think I made an major faux pas during my departure from that company (other than the departure itself). I figure it’s worth a shot. I won’t know if I don’t try. I’m waiting to hear back from him on what date works for him to meet. It’s been a few days now, so I hope he’s not ghosting me.

I’m in the 3rd season of my unemployment. When I drove out of my past employer’s parking lot with tears in my eyes and relief in my heart, the bright sun was deceptively shining through the freezing cold mid-morning air. I enthusiastically began networking, applied for unemployment benefits, and optimistically jumped into job searching. I quickly answered phone calls from unknown numbers and honestly thought I would have a job in no time. It was still winter at the beginning of this journey. When I saw that my benefits would expire in September, I did not fathom that it would ever take me so long to get a job. I figured I would have this all “figured out” by early summer at the latest.

Spring and warm weather were a relief. It was great to go outside and not just be indoors all day. I did not give up hope that I would definitely snag a new job opportunity in no time. I had phone interviews and call-backs to show for it. Progress was being made. I was putting in the effort and have a great resume. Surely some lucky employer would give me an offer. I just needed to get some live interviews. That was the key, right?

Spring turned into summer. It was getting hot. I was still talking to different companies about opportunities almost weekly and I finally secured some in-person interviews. That was it, that’s all I needed. People like me, and I have the experience and professional stories to back up what I know I can do.

Rejection after rejection after rejection. Or no response at all. The cowards do not dare reject formally. They simply do not respond.

Then the reality become clear that I’m not who I used to be and my personal life has taken more of a toll on me than I ever realized. No matter what efforts I’ve tried to ensure that my professional and personal life stay separate – I am one person and they are major parts of who I am. I think employers see right through my facade of being able to keep it all together. As I casually answer interview questions in the best way I know how, I’m giving off the vibe of a shell of a person that has nothing left. I’ve not been a whole confident person this entire year, so why would you want to hire someone like that?

Starting my new certification course has been eye-opening. I need to keep learning professionally without interruption until I retire and beyond. Um, my blog is all about learning new things each day, am I blind or what? But seriously, I’ve been in Learning & Development for so long that it’s almost like I was too focused on learning for others and neglected my own interests. I would then race home to tend to the needs of my family and that left no time for my own development.

Now that I’m reading and learning again, I feel like a hungry animal that has come out of hibernation after far too long. I LIKE it. Where did I go for so many years?

So now summer is ending, and the leaves are turning colors, and fall is a week away. I’ve learned so much this year, including that I cannot stop learning in any area of my life. I can’t neglect the things that make me whole. I can’t neglect myself.

I recently had another disturbing dream. I went to visit my past employer – the one that laid me off. I entered the building and some people were glad to see me and others were new and had no idea who I was. Someone whispered that I must leave quickly and without anyone seeing me because a senior leader had implemented guards with rifles. I got out of the building and ran into the parking lot. It was raining hard and there were puddles everywhere. I jumped through a giant puddle to get to my car and was quickly swept away by a flash flood. I wasn’t drowning, I was swimming hard, so very hard. I almost gave up, but told myself if I could just ride out a wave of flood that was coming, I could make it and it would drop me off on the pavement ahead. And that was what happened. I made it to my car, the water receded, and I woke up.

I can’t give up, that is not an option. I’ve come so close and I can feel the right opportunity right around the corner. Here’s to continuing to be hopeful and positive while doing the things that keep me strong.

Stifle Me Not