Last weekend I went on yet another date. I figured the odds should be in my favor for a good guy to surface any time now. I just need one good one for me, right?
A guy reached out to me on the good ol’ Dating App of Lost Souls, we started messaging, graduated to exchanging numbers and texting, and then he called me a few days into it. Everything flowed, good conversation, he had an intellectual side, a sense of humor, values seemed to align, and we each have children and are divorced so that whole understanding was there. He asked me out to dinner fairly quickly.
Awesome. Great. Fantastic. Another date. I was pleased at the pace this was going – not too fast, but not time-waster slow. Just right. Let’s meet and see if there’s chemistry in person.
On Friday, I arrived at the restaurant. I looked up and there he was smiling in the parking lot. I was relieved that he looked more handsome in person. We greeted each other, he handed me a birthday card and some chocolate (my birthday was the day before) and we strolled into the restaurant. We instantly started chatting. The date started at 6:30. The next thing we knew the restaurant was clearing out and it was after 9 PM. He suggested going somewhere for ice cream and I agreed that was good. We headed down the street for ice cream and more conversation. Before we both knew it, it was after 10 PM and it was time to part ways.
I was so pleased with how the evening went. We agreed to meet up again on Sunday and we went out separate ways.
On Saturday, we started texting in the morning. He knew I was meeting up with my sister later that day, so he conveniently asked if I’d want to meet up for lunch at a place that was close to her house beforehand. I agreed, and it was a lovely afternoon. We had lunch and chatted each other’s ears off, genuinely interested in every word. I found him to be very attractive, interesting, smart, funny, and calm. He was a much-needed change of energy from other guys I’ve dated. He seemed to feel the same way about me. After lunch we went for a walk at a nearby park. He held my hand and we both truly enjoyed each other’s company. There were some shy moments, but nothing awkward or weird. I was once again so very pleased to spend time with him. He even gave me a little kiss good-bye.
On Sunday, we met up in the afternoon to go kayaking, but it ended up being too windy and they stopped renting kayaks. We went hiking instead, walking and talking for 2 hours straight. We learned even more about each other. We even both shared that each of our top love language was Quality Time. Yes, ironic. We then drove to a nearby restaurant for some dinner. I was, once again, completely pleased with him and everything I had learned about him. Even more importantly, I was pleased with how I felt about myself. I felt good to be with him, whether we were hiking, driving in the car, or eating together. This is typically when my female brain starts to over activate.
Well, I didn’t do that. I decided to embrace it and felt I finally deserved the company of a genuinely great man.
He drove me back to my car, gave me another kiss, and we parted ways again. I was not love drunk or walking on cloud 9, but I was completely happy with how things were going. I’ve been trying to live in the present and not get too attached to what could be – simply appreciating the moment for what it is. I started driving away, windows down, music blaring, and smiling as I reflected on the afternoon.
—>>> This is where it gets weird. <<<—-
Weird you say? But how, after 3 great days, could it get weird now?
As I got closer to home, about 5 minutes away, my phone rings. I see it’s my new favorite guy I just spent 3 great days with. I answer and he sounds odd. He sounds like a mixture of worried, anxiousness, and maybe some desperation… the phone connection kept going in and out, and my navigation system kept interrupting us, so the conversation was choppy, but the gist of his call was this:
He had just sent me a text (which I didn’t see while driving), and he was calling to clarify… or umm, explain his reasoning for the sending the text.
The text said “Too late to just meet up halfway at a hotel somewhere?”
If I had I seen this text without talking to him, I would have taken it as a joke.
It wasn’t a joke. He was calling to explain his reasoning, about his strong feelings, for sending it.
I was speechless. My smile faded. I was tired from the long walk, about to shit my pants from the gyro platter I just had, and my period was about to start. Sex was the furthest thing from my mind. I remember looking at the navigation at 9 minutes left and picked up the pace so I’d get home to my bathroom on time.
My heart sunk during this phone call. It was so disappointing. I thought he was different than the rest. I thought he could be patient enough to not want to just focus on my looks and instantly react to great chemistry. Nope, it was pure 100% testosterone driven sex reaction. I wished to be flattered, but I wasn’t. I was disappointed.
I told him I wasn’t ready for doing that just yet. And I clarified that I wouldn’t want to just go to some hotel. It should mean something and I should at least see where he lives first – I made this sound like a joke, but it was the truth.
He quickly got off the phone after I rejected his terrible awful no-good-for-me idea. I told him I’d give him a call later.
It bothered me, but I tried to push it aside since we had a great 3 days. Yesterday, he didn’t communicate much, which was fine. I needed a recovery day. And today he’s been texting, but keeping it pretty quiet.
I don’t know if he feels justified in his offer, or if he’s embarrassed or what. We’re supposed to hang out again in a few days. I plan to bring it up whether he likes it or not.
I’m not sure if this was the good one I was looking for, or if this was just a case of very bad judgement (on his part). I’m really sick of giving all of these men the benefit of the doubt. I do nothing but be myself, and the reaction I get is a proposal for sex at a hotel.
This wasn’t my idea of ideal Quality Time after only three days of getting to know each other.
I guess there’s still time for him to redeem himself, but he’ll have to do it. I’m not making excuses for anyone these days.
Stifle Me Not