Monthly Archives: January 2022

That Scent Me Running

At the end of 2021, I started dating a guy. By the second week of 2022, I already moved on.

I guess I’m finally getting the hang of the dating game, without letting it take a toll on me. I’m letting my gut feeling take over and do the work for me. I’m tired of overthinking or pretending too long. It’ll be whatever it will be.

I went on about 5 dates with this most recent guy. That was enough. No point in pretending and getting attached for an inevitable departure. It takes about 2 – 3 dates and a week of constant texting to get through the initial “getting to know you” phase. I was feeling pretty good, but not overjoyed at this point. I felt like I had to see him again to make the call.

By the second weekend of date 4 & 5, he was trying to lock me down into girlfriend mode. He was calling me all the pet names, sending all the lovey emojis when he texted, holding my hand in public, and adding stuff to my Netflix watch list. Oddly enough, I wasn’t annoyed by those things. That stuff usually wigs me out and I run like the wind, but I hung in there. At the end of date 4, I was definitely not all in, but he called the next morning and wanted to take me to brunch. Who in the hell doesn’t want brunch?

The Problem: The bad part was I liked him, his personality, most of his values…. BUT I just wasn’t fully physically attracted to him. I was at first, I thought, but I underestimated what lack of attraction can do, or not do. Each time we parted ways, it nagged at me a little more (without me fully admitting it at first).

Lack of physical attraction messes with you. My brain and heart were all confused, so my animal instincts took over and said “nah”. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t a bad looking guy. There’s a reason why I liked his photos and went on as many dates as I did. But man, I just couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

The Deciding Factor: Each time I was with him, I noticed he had on some kind of scent – I didn’t know if it was cologne, man body wash, deodorant or what. It actually smelled good, but only when I was with him. It’s after he left that made me insane. It was like a cologne bomb was dropped in my house, on my sofa, on my clothes, in my hair. I would ride with him in the car and sit next to him on the couch for a couple of hours and I would be drenched in man balm.

I KNOW it wasn’t that strong in person, so I’m still baffled at why it was so strong after he left.

It is like a dog marked its territory. I felt totally marked. One time I had to air out my sweater and change my top. The next time I had to completely change clothes. And the final time I was with him, I raced home, sprayed my coat in my own body spray, and took a shower. I felt like a fog of man fragrance was following me everywhere.

This was so odd. I’ve never had this problem before. I told one of my co-workers when I got in to work this week, and she simply said “Oh, if you really liked him, you wouldn’t mind his cologne”.

She’s right. The scent made me run. Maybe it was another indicator since I wasn’t being honest with myself about how not attracted I was to him?

The Solution: I waited a couple of days and let him know that I couldn’t see us moving too much further along. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I didn’t like his scent – that would be a lie, I hardly noticed it in person. I just didn’t like it’s aftermath!

Weird problem to have, I know. But I feel so much better now. Usually, after I break it off with a guy, I feel a little bad and overthink it a bit.

The Outcome: I don’t feel bad. I feel like I did myself a huge favor. I let my animal instinct track the scent and handle the problem.

Stifle Me Not

Oops, I did it again

I did it again.

On Christmas night.

I reactivated my dating app. Ugh.

I think it’s because it wasn’t fun coming home from my parents house that night, with no kids (they were with their dad), and it was just me. Just me and the fireplace. Sounds like it should’ve been amazing right? It kind of was, because I needed some peace and quiet, but I still had the longing to spend the holidays with someone who means something to me.

Human nature? Damn human nature.

So I re-installed the damn app, paid the monthly fee, and started swiping. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a few “likes”. I couldn’t bring myself to respond to any of them. I was back in he same boat as before. I wasn’t hopeful, but decided to keep the door open for a month “just in case”.

Well a day later, I got an interesting “like”. I waited a bit and then responded, but still not hopeful. Just interested to see what the hell this guy was all about. It looked like we would have nothing in common, but I was curious why he was interested in me. I felt like we didn’t seem like each other’s type. And then the non-stop text conversation began…

That led to meeting him for a first date a few days later. It last about 3 hours with non-stop talking, blushing, and smiling. I was so relieved when he walked up – I was instantly attracted to him and it got better as we got to know each other. I went home in a daze. A stupid girl daze. He had already brain damaged me.

The next day, which happened to be New Year’s Eve, we ended up going to lunch and hanging out for the afternoon. Further brain damage.

We went our separate ways for our New Year’s Eve plans. He went to visit his friends. I went to hang out with my family. We texted each other the whole time.

On New Year’s Day, we ended up getting dinner again and hanging out for a few more hours. More talking, more smiling. I may be permanently brain damaged at this point.

I kept myself in check, told myself that time will tell, look out for the red flags, don’t be stupid girl, go with my gut…you know, all of the responsible self talk that usually gets ignored.

It was back to reality this week – the kids came back and it was back to work and school. And the conversation between me and this new guy continued all week. I can idealize people sometimes (I’m an eternal optimist), so I’ve already tried to mentally pick him apart… And I think his worst qualities are that he goes to bed before me and he may not like quite as many foods as me. Uhhhh, what?

I usually have a pretty good idea (even if I don’t want to admit it) in the first week, especially after hanging out three days in a row, if the guy is going to sink or swim. This guy just keeps getting better. I KNOW it’s still totally the honeymoon phase, even through the brain fog. I plan to keep my radar up and continue to get to know him.

I feel like someone read my list though? I made a mental list that I put in my journal after the last lunatic was so disappointing. I added to my dating list, increased my standards. And I thought myself to be mad and no one would ever measure up to this list. I’m not saying this guy is a keeper yet, but he damn near hit all the wish list points and I like hanging out with him. He doesn’t stress me out.

I guess only time WILL tell – as I’ve told myself a million times this week.

I’m interested to see if I must revise this list again.

Stifle Me Not