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May 1st Lesson: I Need My Son to Nap More Than He Needs to Nap

Today started out with the typical routine of fighting with little man to wake up, nagging my sassy girl to get ready, and then dropping her off at school. Then little man and I watched cartoons until it warmed up a little outside to go play. Thank goodness it was warm and sunny today because I don’t know if we could take one more episode of anything on the Disney Channel.

Little man enjoyed every second outside. He lives for being outside. I talked and played with him in between cleaning out the sun room and doing a little yard work. By the time lunch was over, he was more than whiny and my nerves were frayed. I love my son to the moon and back, but he is a handful – he is 2 years old. It had been a nice morning with him, but it was nap time and his whining was proof.

Let me be clear about how much I dread nap time and night-night time: I hate it. For some reason, my son thinks he has to cry before going to bed. The thing is though is that he actually likes sleeping.

Me: Buddy, it’s time for a nap.

Little Man: Noooooooooooooooooooo (sobs and sobs and sobs) – sobs all the way up the stairs to his room

I give him a few ounces of milk, rock him, and he says he wants his doggie in his bed. Great! I tuck him in, and tell him I’ll see him in a little bit.

Typically he falls asleep for 2 hours. Today, all was quiet and still – until it wasn’t. He never napped. I could hear him talking nonstop through the monitor. I left him up there for awhile – until he got impatient.

I am an introvert. I require a lot of me time to recharge. Tonight at 10 pm is the first that I’m getting that time. Even when I’m working I get me time when I’m just at my desk working. Being unemployed and an overnight stay at home mom is infringing on my me time! I miss me. I’m not a lonely person; I don’t mind being alone.

Lesson learned: I need my son to nap more than he actually needs the nap. I need recharge time.


Welcome to Stifle Me Not

It’s been a challenging year so far to say the least. It’s not what’s happening, but how you react to it, right? We all have feelings, and there’s a fine line between feeling your feelings and not hurting others as you allow yourself to feel and react. I have been walking that fine line for months now. For 6 months to be exact. I know it’s not going away anytime soon, so I’m starting this blog as an outlet. Writing is therapeutic for me, so I’ll chronicle life stories, challenges and joys, as they come and live life the best way I know how.

My current state of reality can be summed up into 3 main events:  I’m separated from my husband, got laid off from my job, and one of my kids got lice (and then she gave it to me). “Things can always be worse” I like to tell myself. But right now the feelings feel like “This is rock bottom.”

I believe the main thing you need to do with each situation is learn and grow from it. If you don’t do anything with what you’ve learned, then the whole experience, good or bad, is a waste. Easier said than done, right? Right.

I’m trying to take my own advice, so what am I learning these days from these Big 3 Events in my life?

Separation – It sucks. Quite simply, we have agreed to disagree and are working to be the best parents possible. I am navigating the waters by focusing on the positive and handling the negative situations as they come instead of dwelling on the doom and gloom of what could be. The first few months were not pretty. In fact, they were hard and heart-numbing. I’m learning to feel the feelings each day but communicate the facts without letting them collide into a whirlwind of chaos.

Unemployment – Well, this sucks too. I’ve been here before, although I was laid off earlier in my career when I was eager to accept any job that came my way. I now have quite a bit of experience under my belt and actual skills that I’ve worked hard to develop. This time is a little different and more challenging since I have children to support and am about to become a single income household. I cannot accept just any job – I need a secure salary and the next company I work for has to have some distinct values that align with mine. I cannot leave my kids each day going to a place that I dread. I’m learning not to compromise my values for a job and be confident and proud about what I have to offer in my professional life.

Hair Bug Epidemic 2.0 – This one has me hysterical, but I survived this once before so I’m sure I can do it again. I call this “2.0” because Hair Bug Epidemic 1.0 invaded our house early in 2017. I caught it early this time because of what i learned that time. Last time I researched and learned quite a bit about different treatments and prevention methods. What I did not do is continue the prevention methods. My daughter is in third grade with a head of thick hair that is just waiting to welcome the next bug that is in her general vicinity. This time I’ve learned about newer and more effective treatment methods that aren’t so toxic and that I have to continue prevention methods for the rest of my children’s lives – at least through middle school or I’ll have 3.0 in my house in no time. I’ve also learned that it feels gross but is not the end of the world.

I’m calling this blog “Stifle Me Not” because I often feel restricted by different life experiences, but figuring out how to learn from them and grow has been an ongoing theme for me.

I hope you enjoyed this first blog post. I’ve been getting the itch (lol, no pun intended, although that’s pretty funny, go me) to write more often. Stay tuned…

Stifle Me Not