Today I was supposed to go to an event. I agreed to go because 1) A friend invited me, 2) I am genuinely interested in the event and 3) I thought it may be a good networking opportunity – since I’m unemployed and all.

As it got closer to the date of the event, I quite simply didn’t want to go. I couldn’t pinpoint why it was bugging me. Was it because I couldn’t afford it? No, that wasn’t it. Was it because I was afraid of the unknown and wasn’t sure who I would meet?  Sometimes I can be shy about meeting new people and being in crowds, but that wasn’t it either.

I finally realized that, although I convinced myself of all these great reasons for going, I didn’t want to go for me. I was going to go because I said I would and I didn’t want to disappoint my friend. Today I did have family obligations and a bunch of yard work to finish, but the biggest thing was that I just didn’t want to go because I didn’t want to go. It didn’t feel right. And here I was overthinking my feelings as usual. Why do I do that??? It’s okay to not want to do something, right?

I was about to send an email to my friend to apologize for missing the event, and oddly enough, I had an email from her saying she wouldn’t be attending. I was so relieved, and it was in that moment that her email confirmed my feelings were spot on – I was going to do something that I didn’t want to do and all for someone else, not for myself. Yes, there are plenty of reasons  why it would have been good for me to go, but I needed to listen to my feelings today.

Today I learned that I can listen to my feelings. I can say no and it’s okay.

Stifle Me Not