A Day of Endings

In the last 24 hours I:

  • Resigned from my current job
  • Found out my dissolution court date
  • Went to a funeral

It’s been a day of very final endings. Changes are happening very quickly. It’s funny how when you’re waiting for something, it can seem like an eternity. But in an instant, everything can change – for better or worse.

In my case, the first two are for the better. I’ve resigned from my current job to move onto the next chapter of my career. I’m very excited for this; however, in the moments leading up to when I actually verbalized that I’d accepted another employment offer, I felt like an anxious mess. That’s when I realized that I’m  not a quitter. I hate quitting things – even if it isn’t something that isn’t best for me, I always try my hardest. Quitting isn’t in my nature, and so I suffer a little when I’m the one that brings the end to something.

I don’t like to quit on people and disappoint anyone, but I’ve lived up to that a little too much. I’ve forgotten that I’m harming myself when I put too much effort in for others. After quitting my job, I felt great. Renewed. I can now move on.

Soon after quitting my job, I got a text from my ex about our court date. Funny how my lawyer is so slow that I haven’t heard it from her yet, but whatever, at least I know. I swear every time I quit or surrender or just plain stop beating my damn head against the wall, I finally get some good news.

I give up, here you go.

I quit, here you go.

I”m not trying anymore, it’s alllll yours. 

Life is so weird.

Over the weekend I found out that a distant cousin of mine passed away. Today was the funeral. He was my age. We weren’t close, but I know he was kind. And he was struggling. I’m not sure how his life ended, but I know his death impacted many. No matter what happened, his death was a reminder that life is precious and it can be gone in an instant. His time was up without warning.

I’m enjoying all of my new endings that will lead to new beginnings, but I’m well aware that any of it and anyone can be taken from me at any time.

It’s time to move on, and savor each moment. I plan to enjoy what I can and deal with whatever isn’t so enjoyable.

Stifle Me Not

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