Boundaries and Benevolence

The guy I met in April is still around. It’s been… an experience. We’ve moved on to using the awkward relationship titles –> boyfriend and girlfriend. When you’re in your 40s, it just feels weird to have to label each other.

It’s like I’m skipping down a lit pathway (so it isn’t scary), but there are a lot of sudden turns, so I get caught off guard every so often by different, um, surprises. We’re finally getting comfortable with each other, but continuing to discover new quirks about each other. I remembered this phase happens, it’s just that it was 20 years ago.

So far, he’s been great to be around. We have fun. There are times when there is a lot of conversation, and there are times where we just lay on the couch and stare at the TV in silence. I don’t mind either way, and he doesn’t seem to mind either. We’ve met each other’s families and kids. Everyone seems nice and amicable on both sides.

I’ve had moments where I couldn’t tell if he was being annoying, or if I was being oversensitive…or maybe a little of both. I tend to be a people pleaser, so I’ve had to stop in my tracks and tell him specifically when I don’t like something. But I can also let things annoy me that may not annoy others — okay, okay, I can be moody. So I’m careful not to overreact when I know he’s just being a human. But I’m trying to speak up when I need to, and I’m really really trying not to compare him to everything with my ex, but it gets hard because that’s the only experience I have in mind.

I have to say that the last three months have had way more positives than negatives. Anytime something doesn’t feel right, I just try to process it the best I can and then to see if it “feels” right when I’m with him again. Every time I’ve gotten overanxious about our relationship, it’s seems to auto-correct itself. It’s weird. I’m used to my past, where I tried entirely too hard… until I was completely drained of all energy. Now I’m trying to, well, not try.

Being yourself and having boundaries works wonders for a relationship. If only someone had shared this secret sooner in my life. LOL. Not funny, but funny.

What I’ve been overthinking quite a bit is that I haven’t gone out with anyone else other than him. I like him, so why not? But is this too easy? I’m pretty sure the grass isn’t much greener elsewhere, and it’s not like I want to “play the field” as a single mom of two kids. It’s just that 1) I thought dating would be harder 2) I thought I’d be on several different dates before finding someone I actually wanted to spend time with and 3) I just didn’t expect to like anyone at all… ever again.

What he’s really up against is my alone time, which is priceless. I’d rather have some much-needed peace and quiet than be with someone that disturbs my peace.

I feel like my new guy is a little gift from the universe – like a “good job with dumping your slut husband and moving on with an honest life”.

Don’t get me wrong, this guy isn’t perfect. I can see why he’s had his own personal struggles, but I can also see that he’s learned from mistakes and tried to be a better person. That is what I wanted out of someone.

I guess I’ll see what the next 3 months bring… it can only go one of two ways because I’m too young to settle, but too old to waste any time with being unhappy – I’d rather be alone than unhappy. It’s a strange but good spot to be in. Boundaries are needed, but so is having some faith that others can bring good into my life without causing me grief. Boundaries and Benevolence.

To be continued …

Stifle Me Not

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