Category Archives: New and Unknown

May 27th Lesson: It’s My Turn

Today is my not-yet-ex-husband’s birthday. We started dating at the end of 2000. Every year since 2001, I have focused all of my efforts on making this day special (and even the entire weekend, since it’s almost always on or near Memorial Day weekend). And since we’ve been married, I typically stress the hell out about what to get him as a gift and have a birthday party for him – make dinner, get a cake, and have his family over to celebrate. Then we would have his sister babysit and go out with friends.

All of my energy focused on him and him only.

Today I did no such thing. I stayed home and pet my dogs and cleaned all day. His mom had him and our children over for his birthday dinner and cake. He brought the kids back in the evening and I almost said “Happy Birthday”. But how awkward is that? Who wants “Happy Birthday” from their not-yet-ex-wife? I’m happy for the day that he was born. If not for that day, we wouldn’t have the smart sassy children that we do today.

This was probably the most relaxing Memorial Day weekend I’ve had in 17 years. It felt weird not to be busy as hell this weekend, but it was freeing at the same time. Learning today that I don’t have to always drain my energy into someone else. It’s my turn after all these years.

Stifle Me Not

May 26th Lesson: Embracing Newness

Yesterday I packed my kids’ bags to go with their father for two days. It’s a bitter sweet moment when they go off with their dad. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on important moments, and I can’t protect them like the mama bear that I am. On the other hand, I need a breather to stop and have silence and make the thoughts in my head slow down.

They went off with their dad and I embraced the silence. And it made me sad at the same time. But I had a headache, so I embraced it more than usual.

I did a little yard work, showered, and headed to my sister’s house for a nice change of scenery. We got some dinner and then we hung out with some of her friends. They were very nice and welcoming. I got to see my sister in her element and interact with some new and different people. It was a nice distraction from not having my own kids and my state of life-in-transition.

I love home. Home is my comfort zone. But I need to get out and experience new places and people more often. I learned that I need to expand my world a little more. I’ve been wallowing in the comfort of my home and the cycle of my thoughts for long enough. It’s time to embrace some newness.

Stifle Me Not