I went to pick up my daughter from her last day of school today. I got there a little early in case school let out slightly sooner since it was the last day.

While waiting for my daughter, I was chatting with one of the other moms. Somehow we got on the topic of me being out of work. She asked if I was looking, and I said yes, and she said the restaurant she works at was hiring hostesses.

I was caught off guard. If I had been taking a drink, I would have choked. In my mind, I’ve been making close to six figures for a couple of years now. I had to fight back the reaction to scoff and roll my eyes.

I thanked her and said I considered getting a side job serving until I can get a new job.

The mom looked at me, taking a step back, and says “You served?” Yes, yes I did. I served at a few different restaurants throughout my summers during college. I made good money. It makes your feet bleed, but pays the bills. I got my hands dirty and put up with mean people’s shit quite a bit before earning my degree and making my way into Corporate America.

And then I said something without thinking (which I need to do more often, because when I think too much, it messes me up). I said “Yea, I was thinking about serving for a little bit and take a break from Corporate America. I can’t stand Corporate America right now.”

In that moment, it all occurred to me that I’ve been preventing myself from getting a job.

Not purposely of course. I’ve been applying to quite a few new ones each week and networking when I can. But I believe this is where the law of attraction comes into play (believe in it or  not – I’ve been skeptical myself). You attract what you are.

I do not think I’m ready to just roll into a new gig at ABC Company and make some great strides in the first 6 months to a year. Nope, sounds awful to me. My motivation to please anyone right now (except for myself and my children) is at zero right now.

So today I learned that I may be my own problem in this weekly wild game of job searching. Possibly, no proof yet, but the gut instinct is there. I think I need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up so I can move forward with this thing called life.

Stifle Me Not